I made my daughter cry over her dress choice

Sydney, our 7-year-old, is all girl. She loves to wear fancy dresses, style her own hair and pick out her own mismatched socks. The book series "Fancy Nancy" is a favorite of hers, and it fits her quite nicely, curly hair and all.

Over the weekend, we had a birthday party held outside at our local fairgrounds. Lots of gravel, mud, dirt mixed with football tackling and volleyball diving was on the agenda. Maybe Sydney had forgotten those details or maybe she didn't care but when she presented her outfit to me, it didn't fit the scene. She proudly modeled her floor-length, blue chiffon, floral Easter dress, complete with a wicker purse. To which I replied, "Oh Sydney, this won't work."

Cue tears. And more tears. And then a little girl running to her bedroom, flopping on her bed and crying some more. Instant mom-guilt, right?! 

Now, did I do the wrong thing by telling her that wasn't the best outfit choice? No. Did I deliver the message well? Also, no. I didn't do the number one thing I teach in intentional communication. I didn't validate her feelings. What I should have said was "Sydney, you look so beautiful in that dress. Since you are going to want to play and run tonight though, do you think you'll be able to do that in this dress?"

Might she still have been upset? Maybe, but I would have removed the question from her mind as to if I was telling her no because I didn't think she looked good. Ahhhh. After apologizing for the way I said things and reassuring her as to my reason why I said no, she hoped right up and picked a much more appropriate outfit. Later that night, she even said thank you for having her change because she wouldn't have been able to have sang karaoke as well as she did. 😂

 Do good communicators still make mistakes? Every day. But I'm better today than I was yesterday. And you can be too.