What Do We Lose When We Step In Too Soon?

I find myself, as a mom, stepping in too soon when the kids are struggling. Yes, it comes from a desire to help them, but I also think it comes from a fear of not wanting them to feel like they’re not good enough.

Sydney was struggling to open a granola bar the other day. I watched her try to tear the foil wrapper every which way. When I almost grabbed it to do it for her, I stopped myself. Not eight seconds later, she tried a different way and opened the bar. Win!

A few days later, someone was asking her to go to an afternoon activity she didn’t want to attend. After saying no once, she turned to me when the girl asked again. I said to Sydney, “You know what you want to do. You make the decision.” And she said no, yet again. Another win! Previously, I would have solved the problem for her and told the girl that Sydney didn’t want to go.

Do you feel seen? Haha. As leaders, we often think we can solve our team members’ problems faster and more efficiently when they’re struggling. But what is lost when we do this? Confidence building? Critical thinking? Decision making? Yes to all.

The next time you find yourself wanting to solve someone else’s problem, whether that’s your kids’ or your team members’, take 30 seconds and allow them to try to solve it themselves. If they need help, let them be the ones to ask for it. If you need to set a time limit for yourself to follow up on the task, please do so.

And yes, I also made sure to celebrate the fact that she said no to that girl a second time. At Sydney’s age, I can almost guarantee I would have said yes to appease the other person. Hmmm, maybe that's why I'm still working on un-doing years of people-pleasing.